Bee Movie is Jerry Seinfeld's Crowning Moment of Glory
by Happy Dickfart
Summary: Ash learns that he's in a coma, and it all goes downhill from there. Based on the acclaimed "Ash is in a Coma" theory. Just a tad meme-ish.
1. Ash Msoked Dat Weed

Weed, by Dirkfrrt

One day Ash was home in Pallet Town. He gave up on Pokemon School in Hawaii because Ash is way too dumb for school. Instead of doing his math homework, he fulfulled his sexual pleasures by shoving his face deep into the girl's toilet while Pikachu elextricuted him. Serena had to take a big poop one afternoon, and whenshe obsvired Ash deriving sexual pleasure from his Pokemon, she chose to go be gay with Shauna instead, but not before calling Officer Jenny to report public indecency/ Ash was sentencesd to 23457298345 days in jail, where he would proceed to stuff his face into the jail toilet while Pikapoo eclectric shoked him boner.

So he cum home right, and would get a hit of dat WEED that Mr. Mime grows on their propertah. Errbody buy their weed, so that Ash mom don't jail. ddddddddddddddd

She make dat money doh, unless Ashhole hoem smoke dat produzrt son.

Anyway hommmie, Ash smocked that weed that i mentieoned a wiles back, and ate all Ash mom cookies and cornbread, and even some sweedish fist adn a butt shaped cake with haff a snickers bar wedge between they asscheek. "It's poop" said Ash, and he ATE IT . So yeah, Pikachu is gay now.

Ash smoked that weed, and Gary cum over house and he say "You, let me get all tdhat weed."

"Get your own," said Ash.

"I got 1000000000000000000 dollars from being famous rich scumbag. Weed me up, Ashy."

"You hella gay," said Ashk, and Gary took all the hits of dat weed.

"I'm not gay, cockbreath. Although I did have a sugar daddy for awhile, some racist cisscum bnamed Giovanni. I ride his pencil dick, like having a little tickle in you sphincter. He came, and I went home. Next day we marry. Next day he fall off cliff and die. I got all his money, his bitchass son aint got shit."

"FUCK YOU, I AIN'T NO BITCHASS."

"HOLY SHIT ARE YOU SILVER THE HEDGEHOG? NO? THAN THE STOERY AIN"T BOUT YOU PLAYA."

"Silver's my half brother and you know what, sassypants."

"What bitch, what?"

"I'M IN A COMA."

To bee movietinued...


	2. Ash Has the Munchies

Weed, by Darkbark

"But if you're in a comma," said Gary, unbelievingly. "Then that means NONE OF THIS EXISTS."

"Dat's right bitch," said Ash, and he laughed as he hit that weed. He hit that weed like Mr. Mime hit up that broomstick for anal sex. "While Pikachu esxcekltricuted me in many a portal to the other world, I saw me as I am, a braindamaged boy in a coma. Pretty sick huh?"

"Bruh u been smoking too much of that weed."

"NO! DUDE, I UNDERSTAND NOW," said Ash. "I already am the very best that no one ever was. My vision, that came to me after the seventeenth time we all watched Bee Movie in Poke mon Skool, is that if I can master my coma powers, I can control the world inside of Ash's coma."

Gary lol'd. "Man, if you in a coma, why you always getting harassed by that Team Rocket?"

"James is my gay side, and Jessie is my woman side. WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

"I think, man, I think. I'm thinkin think. Man, I thinka dink. I thinka therefore I thinkin."

"No but dood, what this." Ash controlled the world inside his mind, so e imaged a room full of like Doritos and poptarts and pizza rolls. And fried chicken, and pulled pork, and a fucking crate of Lucky Charms. Ash smoked that weed.

Then a hole formed underneath Ash house. Dey fall in. Dey deed.

Or dey yay?

Watch Bee mMOIVE

tO bEEmOVIETINUED


	3. Ash in a Fcukin Hole

Weed, by D to the F

"OH NO IT'S HAPPENING!" Ash screamed, clutching the sides of his head. "The walls are breaking down! The illusion is fading! It's all spiraling into black! All of my adventures never happened! All of this will cease to be and I'll DIE HORRIBLY. Oh, I can hear the song of Lavender Town now..."

"Shut up, Ash!" said Gary, brushing the dirt off his butt. "Goddamn, you're fucking whack, dawg. All we done did was fall in a goddamn hole. Look!" He pulled an oddly convenient flashlight out and pointed it toward a family of Digletts. "It's a family of fucking Digletts!"

"Why you say it like dat?" say Ash. "The "D" in Digletts should be lower case because it's not a proper noun, dickfart."

"Your mom's Wet Pussy isn't a proper noun either, but all them fuckboys out there don't give a shit. They just see the words "Wet Pussy" and "MILF" and they knees turn into jello, fo'. Besides, I'm Gary Motherfucking Oak. I'll capitalize What I want To cApItAlIze."

"Shoot, u got me," saids Ash. "How the fuck am I getting out this danged hole?"

"You could use your Charizard. Oh wait, you can't, because you fucking DON'T HAVE IT."

"Hey," said Ash. "Don't you even fucking..."

"Nah, man, nah. Let me say my piece, muthafucka. I'm tired of your stupid ass always leaving behind your best pokemon. Damn, son, you kicked your fucking GRENINJA to the curb back in Hawaii, and that Naruto-ass piece of shit was your BOI. What the fuck? Some kid in Hawaii has it now, and it's prolly all "Ash, why you do this? I thought I was ya nigga, believe it!"but no. You just like "Huh huh, I'm Ash, and I'm ten years old, bye!" and that's that. You always doing that to your pokemon because you a DUMB SHIT."

"Fuck you, Gary Oak," said Ash. "Now get me out of this fuckin' hole."

"With pleasure," said Gary, pulling out a convenient Escape Rope. He and Ash grabbed onto it, sang a secret little rhyme, and wind up back in Ash mom livingroom like ain't none of this shit never happened.

"Mr. Mime!" said Mr. Mime, and he handed Ash and Gary a plate of hotdogs, a bong, and a copy of Bee Movie on 1080p stunning Disney bluray."

"Word up, MI-EEEEM!" says Ash, and they did high five like this is the fuckin' 90's.

They watch Bee Movie. Jerry Seinfeld smoked a fat one. All was well.

Until Ash mom come home with her new husband.

to beemovietinued


	4. Ash's Bulge

Weed, by Bob Saget

"WHAT THE TIDDY FUCKING CHRIST IS THIS?!" Ash blurts out upon spotting Professor Oak and his mom in the doorway.

"Hi sweetie," said Mom. "I've invited Professor Oak in for some warm apple pie. Care to join us?"

"WHAT THE ABSOLUTE SHITFUCK? ARE YOU COCKING KIDDING ME?!"

"Dude, calm the fuck down. It's just ma and gramps. They always eat pie after hittin up dat bong."

"NO GARE BEAR. U DON'T GIT IT."

Gary forrow eyebrow. He don't git it. "What don't I get, turd Buizel?"

"If you were married to my dead beat, asshole father, and mom is married to Professor Oak, then that means you were once my father-in-law, and now YOU'RE MY NEPHEW. THIS RELATIONSHIP IS INCESTUOUS. OH, THE THINGS FREUD WOULD SAY!"

"Penis, Ash. Freud would say penis," say Prof Oak, doing a peace sign with his fingers. Apparently he wasn't listening to Ash at all.

"Gramps got that right," say Gary, and flipped his hair back like so: WHOOSH-AH! "And besides, "incest" only applies if 1) We're blood-related (protip: we're not), 2) ma and gramps are married, 3) we're in a romantic relationship..."

"WE'RE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP?" say She. Ash, that is/ "It's FUCKING BEE MOVIE aLLL OVWR AGAIN. AND THIS TIME IT"S PERSONAL" His eyes done bulged. BULGED.

And Ash BULGED all over the place until he pass out and die. Jay Kay. He just fell asleep dummy. No one never dies in Pokemon.

"Ash, you are one stupid muthafucka," say Gary. He join Ash mom and gramps for warm apple pie. It was divine. The best part is the part where he smoke dat weed and didn't have to deal with Ash;s coma, or his raging bnoer for toilets, esclecttric shock attacks, or Bee Movie. Frankly, Gary prewferred Space Jam.

to beemoviespacejamtinued


	5. And Thus the World Shall Turn to Ash

Weed, by Dickfart

It is seven to the oh to the clock in the muthafuckin evenin when Ash wake up. "Yup, still in a coma," he said. Usually at this time Ash pull out his meat weiner and has Pikachu use it as electiric rod until rainbows shoot out his crotch, but this morn he say nah and hit up DAT WEED befor taking his rittalin.

"Is hard work Pikachu Pika," say Ahs. "Being home, smoke that weed, be soul crushing existential crisis over how, as my knowledge of being in a coma grow, so do my chancess of dying like a corpse."

"Pikapi," Pikachu say. What he is actually saying is Satoshi, because Ash's real name. The call him Ash because he smoke all that weed, and are become covered in Ash, and thus the woeld turned to Ash, while he stick his fist up Latias ass and make her cum psychic attacjs. Don't worry, she was in gender neutral Pokemon forme, not bitch with dumb hair farm. That would be sexist. All hetero sex is rape according to tumblr. That's why I progressively rite gay porn about Bee Movie, wich is the very best movie like no one ever was.

"SPACE JAM," Gary yelled in his sleep next door. He did that every night.

That's da patower of Ash's coma. He get all the bitches he want, they he say "I'm Ash from Pallet Town, and I lost the POkemon league again." They cry and suck on his toes. Get aroused.

"I deserve a fuckin' day off. What you say?" Ash say, and Pikachu ecerlectiric shock him boner just for the hella fun.

So here's a list of things Ash do on his day off:

Smoke that weed.

Smoke it again.

Fuck some bitch

In Smash that is

Ash eighteen year old

But he still looks ten

Do I gotta tell ya all over again?

Ash go to movies. Movie suck because it wASn't bee movie

Ash then go home Skype Gary. Tell Gary "yo, Cracker barrel fire Brad's wife. Why Cracker Barrel fire Brad's wife?"

"I put in petition," say Gary. "Just kid. I'm gonna buy cracker barrel and change it. Instead of shitty store and cheap restaurant, here what we do: Find all the most racist muthafuckas. I'm talking they actually voted for Ghetsis Harmonia Trump in Unova, OK? Find those white asshole pepe the frog fuckboy dongwongers, put them in a Cracker Barrel barrel, and them roll them bitches down a hill and into traffic. PRetty good idea huh? Pokemon never die, but ain't nobody say shit about crackers."

"You do that," Ash say. "I don't hero no more. Mewtwo unfriended me on facebook after posting 8284590826092458720967 selfies of me and Pikachu."

"What you gonna do then, sit at hime watch shitty Bee Movie."

"BEE MOVIE ISN'T SHITTY. ARCEUS BOWS TO BEE MOVIE."

"Ok Ash, I'm save the world now, ok bye."

Ash fulfillmented his wish of getting fat and greasy and watching Bee Movie all day. Pikachu call Meowth on phone and have sexy conversation. Ash no pay attention to him now. Such crai. Much angst.

And thus the world shall turn to Bee Movie.


	6. Ash's Song

Weed, by Jerry Seinfeld

It was karaoke night at Pallet Town Coffee House, and Ash wrote a song dedicated to his not-quite boyfriend, Gary Motherfucking Oak. Yes, Motherfucking is his real last name. It's Austrian. Don't be a fucking hater.

Ash start to sing.

"I wanna Bee Movie the very best,

Like no one ever Bee Movie'd

"To Bee Movie is my real test

To Bee Movie my cause

"I will Bee Movie across the land

Bee Movie far and wide

Each Bee Movie to understand

The power that's Jerry Seinfeld

BEE MOVIE

Gotta watch it all

(It's Bee Movie)

The best movie that you'll see

BEE MOVIE

Oh, you're Bee Movie

In a world with Bee Movie

BEE MOVIE

Gotta a watch it all

(A heart so Bee Movie)

Bee Movie will pull us through.

You Bee Movie and I'll Bee Movie

BEE MOO VEE

Gotta Bee Movie

(Gotta Bee Movie)

BEE MOO VEE"

The audience Kricketune'd, and then Dr. Phil said, "That boi needs an intervention. Read all about it in my new book, "That Boi Needs an Intervention." If you buy two copies you'll get a FREE copy of my other book, "How to Grow Hair" for FREE. Don't wait! Go to drphil dot com and order NOW. We'll be right back after these messages."

"What the fuck is this fic?" Gary asked. He decided he'd better not hit that weed right now.

to beemovieinterventiontinued


	7. Ash Explains

Weed, by Dr. Phil

"I bring to you in front of a live studio audience, Ash Lucario Ketchum, his mother Delia, his mentor Professor Oak, his estranged son Tyler, and his presumed romantic lovers, Pikachu and Gary Motherfucking Oak.

"Today we're gonna be talking about intervention. Ash has a veru serious case of Beemoviephilia, related to the more common Shrekphilia. This means he's dedicated his life to obsessively worship Bee Movie. This is a dangerous syndrome. This has lead Ash to hyperP0\okesexual behavior, delusions about this entire world being a "coma" that he presumes he's in, excessive drug use, and deep nihilistic quandaries. Let's take a look:"

"I'm Ash Ketchum. My mom always told me that my dad was a Lucario, and that's how I got my middle name. I would come to find out later that my real dad is Giovanni of Team Rocket. Not exactly an ideal fate."

Cut to Ash walking through a snowy Pallet Town with his smiling Pikachu.

"I discovered I was Pokesexual in Pokemon School. Professor Kukui's twerking booty got everyone else off, except for Lillie because she's a lesbian. Even I got off to it for awhile. And then I saw Bee Movie.

"I would realize afterward the Jerry Seinfeld is indeed Arceus's true form, and that Bee Movie is a metaphor for me coma. You see, I am eighteen years old, yet I am also still ten. Does that make any fuckign sense to you? DOES IT?"

Cut to Gary Oak in a room with a desk.

"What Ash fails to realize is that Space Jam is a better movie."

Cut to mom Delia and Mr. Mime. Mr. Mime was humping a broomstick again, so they had to cut away from that before the CHILDRENS AT HOME could see.

Cut instead to estranged son, Tyler.

"MUK!" Tyler cried, and Professor Oak placed his arm around this beautiful Muk to encourage him.

Cut now over to exgrilfriend Serena.

"Ash used to be great," Serena say. "But then he lost the fucking Kalos league. That was a pitty kiss at the end, by the way."

Cut to Amourshippers booing in the audience.

Cut to best friend Brock.

"Ash has always been like this," said Brock. "But he's my bro, so I just let him do him. Please go on a date with me, ladies..." he crai.

Cut back to Ash. He standing on the beach all cool like with his coat flipping in the breeze.

"What Brock fails to realize is that I'm in a coma," say Ash. "So te ladies will never go on a date with you. Also, my sexual orientation is half-gay, half Pokephilic, half ten years old. None of those things leads to my mind dating the type of woman Brock goes for. It's also why Bonnie will never find a keeper for Clemont."

Pan in to Dr. Phil with a stank look on his face.

"We'll be right back after these messages."

to beemoviedrphiltinued


	8. Hastag JusticeForTylerTheMuk

Weed, by Dr. Fart

Dr. Phil say, "Ash, da fuck?"

"Oh you know me," said Ash.

Then the police come and arrest Dr. Phil for practicing psychology and diagnosing Ash with Beemoviephilia without a license.

"Now what?" Gary ask, walking with Ash. They were holding hands, because they're in California, where everyone is gay and everyone smokes that weed. They fit right in.

"Pikachu could electrirute my nipples while you suck my Ultraballs," Ash suggest.

"I would love nothing more," Gary say with tears sparkling his eyes. He had his boyfriend back.

But then they got high.

End Bee Movie, Book 1 of 84395847869345

Plz use my hashtag JusticeForTylerTheMuk. He's been neglected by his Ashhole father for too long.


	9. Ash's Ex's

Weed, by Dicksonice

Some months later Ash went home and got a job with Professor Oak, because the only other people who would ever employ Ash are legendary Pokemon, and even some of them say Ash is kinda a dick.

Ex girlfriend Latias, for example, felt slighted after all the times Ash watched Bee Movie rather than taking her calls. And she's not the only ex who couldn't BEE-lieve his bullshit.

Ex girlfriend Misty watched Ash fall apart in the news, and she would always smile and say, "that piece of shit still owes me a bike," and then she'd change the channel and watch Game of Thrones, or whatever shitty crap people are watching these days.

Ex boyfriend Paul fell down some stairs and died. Ash used this as irrefutable proof that he was in a coma, because even his wishes of death upon his worst ex came true.

Speaking of worst ex's, ex boyfriend Cilan is lame and never to be spoken of, but lets speak of the land he's from: Unova, the region with the largest concentration of Garbodor. This natural sactuary is located in Unovamerica's largest landfill, a horrible, dark land called... OHIO (a/n oh dear god I threw up in my mouth just TYPING that awful word. Ohio-GAG BARF-see, I did it again!)

We've spoken of ex girlfriend Serena and even Amourshippers. Man, y'all forgot that Ash is fucking stupid, didn't you?

He has no ex's in Hawaii. Ash faintly remembered wanting to bounce all over Kiawa's bigger, blacker dick, but Kiawe shot him down and say, "Ash, you're seven" thus Ash's Bee Movie obsession.

And now he was on the roof of professor Oak's lab, rain beating down on him, and while it whipped his shirt the bout, Pikachu was on the ground.

"Do it," Ash said. "Thunder!"

Pikachu exploded with electricity at Ash, and he tumbled off the roof and his neck went CRACK.

Cue Jerry Seinfeld theme.


	10. Ash is a Brony

Bee Movie is Jerry Seinfeld's Crowning Moment of Glory, by Dooblipbob

I played a hacked Pokemon game called Pokemon Bill Clinton Vulgar Assfucking George Bush 9/11 Red. This is what the looked like:

"I'm afraid Ash is in a coma," said the doctor. Gary, Prof Oak, Ash mom, and Team Rocket all gasped at the tragedy.

Gary whipped his head toward Pikachu, grabbed it, and yelled in its face, "Why did you do it!?"

"Pikachu pika. Pika pika pooshitdookie pikachu Pikapi!"

"Nyaaaa, my virgin ears, MEOWTH!"

"What did Pikachu say?" asked James.

"It was bad and vulgar!" Meowth quivered, then screamed, and then it pulled out a gun and shot itself. Jessie and James bolted from that hospital room, an unspoken understanding that they would never, ever come near that demonic Pikachu again.

"Don't worry, sweetums. My Ashypoo will come out of a coma any day now," said Delia, giggling.

"Yeah, you're right," said Gary with a sigh. "But what the FUCK? I'm bored now. Ain't no damn fun getting lit without my homie."

"Did you say homie?" said Tracy, walking into the room in only a speedo.

"Who the fuck is this, gramps?"

Professor Oak shrugged, and Tracy turned around with tears in his eyes and walked away.

They waited and waited, and then the doctor gave them the OK to visit. During visiting hours, Gary munched on weed brownies while having a one-sided conversation with Ash.

"I told you, fucker. I told you Bee Movie was whack. When you wake up, we're going to join the My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fandom, where being grown males jerking off to horses is normal and inclusive."

Ash just laid there lifeless, covered in tubes and neckbrace and shit. Gary got real close to Ash, lean his head in real slow like he about to smooch Ass. He went too far and whispered in his ear, "Gary was here, Ash is a..."

"I'M NOT A LOSER!" Ash screamed, then he looked down. "Hey, what is this?"

"You're awake," said Gary. "You're no longer in a coma."

"WAT?!"

tobeemovieinued


	11. Ash Has Guests

Bee Movie is Jerry Seinfeld's Crowning Moment of Glory, by Fuck Me It's Allergy Season

"GARY, WHAT IN BEE MOVIE HAV U DONE? I KNEW YOU WERE A DICK BUT I NEVER TOOK YOU FOR A MURDERER," Ashe shouted at the top of his lungs.

Then suddenly a portal showed up in they hospital room. It was Rick Sanchez and his grandson Morty.

Belch. "Listen to me Morty, the thingama-BELCH-blip can only be found in... in this guy's drug induced coma."

"B-b-but Rick, he's awake," said Morty, pointed toward the panicking Ash.

"I can fix that," said Rick, pulling up a tranquilizer gun with a serum that would put Ash back in a coma.

"Hey, what are you-?" Ash started to ask, and when the dart hit his neck he instantly knew.

With a tear in his eye, Ash said, "you saved me, kind stranger. As long as I'm in a coma, I won't die..." and then he was out.

"What did you do to him?" Gary demanded, ready to choke a bitch.

"Trust me, he's fine with it," Rick said. "You r-ready, Morty?"

"Gee, I guess so," said Morty, incepting the inside of Ash's coma.

That's when Gary looked down at his pot brownie. He stared at it bugeyed for a good ten minutes.

"Fuck was that? Fuck is anything?! WHY IS BEE MOVIE A THING?" He swallowed that brownie in one huge gulp and washed it down with 64oz of Red Bull and some LSD. That's how high Ash has to be to make a wild Rick and Morty appear.

tobeemovieinued


	12. I Dunno fuck you

Comaception, by Dickfart

Ash was in a coma this last Thursaday. Ans Ashed done fell on his head, and his coma seldf was in a come.

"Ooh fukc, pikachu," ssssiad Ash. "I weinered on meselff.

"{ike paikia: said Pikachu.

I'rs' fuckin' funny, uyou assssghokes!"

BEE

MOVIW 

to beemovie tinuesd 58


	13. A Sobering End

The End of Bee Movie, by Dickfart

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway

because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

\- Barry?

\- Adam?

\- Oan you believe this is happening?

\- I can't. I'll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father

paid good money for those.

Sorry. I'm excited.

Here's the graduate.

We're very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B's.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

\- You got lint on your fuzz.

\- Ow! That's me!

\- Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000.

\- Bye!

Barry, I told you,

stop flying in the house!

\- Hey, Adam.

\- Hey, Barry.

\- Is that fuzz gel?

\- A little. Special day, graduation.

Never thought I'd make it.

Three days grade school,

three days high school.

Those were awkward.

Three days college. I'm glad I took

a day and hitchhiked around the hive.

You did come back different.

\- Hi, Barry.

\- Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.

\- Hear about Frankie?

\- Yeah.

\- You going to the funeral?

\- No, I'm not going.

Everybody knows,

sting someone, you die.

Don't waste it on a squirrel.

Such a hothead.

I guess he could have

just gotten out of the way.

I love this incorporating

an amusement park into our day.

That's why we don't need vacations.

Boy, quite a bit of pomp...

under the circumstances.

\- Well, Adam, today we are men.

\- We are!

\- Bee-men.

\- Amen!

Hallelujah!

Students, faculty, distinguished bees,

please welcome Dean Buzzwell.

Welcome, New Hive Oity

graduating class of...

...9:15.

That concludes our ceremonies.

And begins your career

at Honex Industries!

Will we pick ourjob today?

I heard it's just orientation.

Heads up! Here we go.

Keep your hands and antennas

inside the tram at all times.

\- Wonder what it'll be like?

\- A little scary.

Welcome to Honex,

a division of Honesco

and a part of the Hexagon Group.

This is it!

Wow.

Wow.

We know that you, as a bee,

have worked your whole life

to get to the point where you

can work for your whole life.

Honey begins when our valiant Pollen

Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.

Our top-secret formula

is automatically color-corrected,

scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured

into this soothing sweet syrup

with its distinctive

golden glow you know as...

Honey!

\- That girl was hot.

\- She's my cousin!

\- She is?

\- Yes, we're all cousins.

\- Right. You're right.

\- At Honex, we constantly strive

to improve every aspect

of bee existence.

These bees are stress-testing

a new helmet technology.

\- What do you think he makes?

\- Not enough.

Here we have our latest advancement,

the Krelman.

\- What does that do?

\- Oatches that little strand of honey

that hangs after you pour it.

Saves us millions.

Oan anyone work on the Krelman?

Of course. Most bee jobs are

small ones. But bees know

that every small job,

if it's done well, means a lot.

But choose carefully

because you'll stay in the job

you pick for the rest of your life.

The same job the rest of your life?

I didn't know that.

What's the difference?

You'll be happy to know that bees,

as a species, haven't had one day off

in 27 million years.

So you'll just work us to death?

We'll sure try.

Wow! That blew my mind!

"What's the difference?"

How can you say that?

One job forever?

That's an insane choice to have to make.

I'm relieved. Now we only have

to make one decision in life.

But, Adam, how could they

never have told us that?

Why would you question anything?

We're bees.

We're the most perfectly

functioning society on Earth.

You ever think maybe things

work a little too well here?

Like what? Give me one example.

I don't know. But you know

what I'm talking about.

Please clear the gate.

Royal Nectar Force on approach.

Wait a second. Oheck it out.

\- Hey, those are Pollen Jocks!

\- Wow.

I've never seen them this close.

They know what it's like

outside the hive.

Yeah, but some don't come back.

\- Hey, Jocks!

\- Hi, Jocks!

You guys did great!

You're monsters!

You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!

\- I wonder where they were.

\- I don't know.

Their day's not planned.

Outside the hive, flying who knows

where, doing who knows what.

You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen

Jock. You have to be bred for that.

Right.

Look. That's more pollen

than you and I will see in a lifetime.

It's just a status symbol.

Bees make too much of it.

Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it

and the ladies see you wearing it.

Those ladies?

Aren't they our cousins too?

Distant. Distant.

Look at these two.

\- Oouple of Hive Harrys.

\- Let's have fun with them.

It must be dangerous

being a Pollen Jock.

Yeah. Once a bear pinned me

against a mushroom!

He had a paw on my throat,

and with the other, he was slapping me!

\- Oh, my!

\- I never thought I'd knock him out.

What were you doing during this?

Trying to alert the authorities.

I can autograph that.

A little gusty out there today,

wasn't it, comrades?

Yeah. Gusty.

We're hitting a sunflower patch

six miles from here tomorrow.

\- Six miles, huh?

\- Barry!

A puddle jump for us,

but maybe you're not up for it.

\- Maybe I am.

\- You are not!

We're going 0900 at J-Gate.

What do you think, buzzy-boy?

Are you bee enough?

I might be. It all depends

on what 0900 means.

Hey, Honex!

Dad, you surprised me.

You decide what you're interested in?

\- Well, there's a lot of choices.

\- But you only get one.

Do you ever get bored

doing the same job every day?

Son, let me tell you about stirring.

You grab that stick, and you just

move it around, and you stir it around.

You get yourself into a rhythm.

It's a beautiful thing.

You know, Dad,

the more I think about it,

maybe the honey field

just isn't right for me.

You were thinking of what,

making balloon animals?

That's a bad job

for a guy with a stinger.

Janet, your son's not sure

he wants to go into honey!

\- Barry, you are so funny sometimes.

\- I'm not trying to be funny.

You're not funny! You're going

into honey. Our son, the stirrer!

\- You're gonna be a stirrer?

\- No one's listening to me!

Wait till you see the sticks I have.

I could say anything right now.

I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!

Let's open some honey and celebrate!

Maybe I'll pierce my thorax.

Shave my antennae.

Shack up with a grasshopper. Get

a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!

I'm so proud.

\- We're starting work today!

\- Today's the day.

Oome on! All the good jobs

will be gone.

Yeah, right.

Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring,

stirrer, front desk, hair removal...

\- Is it still available?

\- Hang on. Two left!

One of them's yours! Oongratulations!

Step to the side.

\- What'd you get?

\- Picking crud out. Stellar!

Wow!

Oouple of newbies?

Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!

Make your choice.

\- You want to go first?

\- No, you go.

Oh, my. What's available?

Restroom attendant's open,

not for the reason you think.

\- Any chance of getting the Krelman?

\- Sure, you're on.

I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.

Wax monkey's always open.

The Krelman opened up again.

What happened?

A bee died. Makes an opening. See?

He's dead. Another dead one.

Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.

Dead from the neck up.

Dead from the neck down. That's life!

Oh, this is so hard!

Heating, cooling,

stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,

humming, inspector number seven,

lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,

mite wrangler. Barry, what

do you think I should... Barry?

Barry!

All right, we've got the sunflower patch

in quadrant nine...

What happened to you?

Where are you?

\- I'm going out.

\- Out? Out where?

\- Out there.

\- Oh, no!

I have to, before I go

to work for the rest of my life.

You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?

Another call coming in.

If anyone's feeling brave,

there's a Korean deli on 83rd

that gets their roses today.

Hey, guys.

\- Look at that.

\- Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?

Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.

It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.

Really? Feeling lucky, are you?

Sign here, here. Just initial that.

\- Thank you.

\- OK.

You got a rain advisory today,

and as you all know,

bees cannot fly in rain.

So be careful. As always,

watch your brooms,

hockey sticks, dogs,

birds, bears and bats.

Also, I got a couple of reports

of root beer being poured on us.

Murphy's in a home because of it,

babbling like a cicada!

\- That's awful.

\- And a reminder for you rookies,

bee law number one,

absolutely no talking to humans!

All right, launch positions!

Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz,

buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz!

Black and yellow!

Hello!

You ready for this, hot shot?

Yeah. Yeah, bring it on.

Wind, check.

\- Antennae, check.

\- Nectar pack, check.

\- Wings, check.

\- Stinger, check.

Scared out of my shorts, check.

OK, ladies,

let's move it out!

Pound those petunias,

you striped stem-suckers!

All of you, drain those flowers!

Wow! I'm out!

I can't believe I'm out!

So blue.

I feel so fast and free!

Box kite!

Wow!

Flowers!

This is Blue Leader.

We have roses visual.

Bring it around 30 degrees and hold.

Roses!

30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around.

Stand to the side, kid.

It's got a bit of a kick.

That is one nectar collector!

\- Ever see pollination up close?

\- No, sir.

I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it

over here. Maybe a dash over there,

a pinch on that one.

See that? It's a little bit of magic.

That's amazing. Why do we do that?

That's pollen power. More pollen, more

flowers, more nectar, more honey for us.

Oool.

I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow.

Oould be daisies. Don't we need those?

Oopy that visual.

Wait. One of these flowers

seems to be on the move.

Say again? You're reporting

a moving flower?

Affirmative.

That was on the line!

This is the coolest. What is it?

I don't know, but I'm loving this color.

It smells good.

Not like a flower, but I like it.

Yeah, fuzzy.

Ohemical-y.

Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby.

My sweet lord of bees!

Oandy-brain, get off there!

Problem!

\- Guys!

\- This could be bad.

Affirmative.

Very close.

Gonna hurt.

Mama's little boy.

You are way out of position, rookie!

Ooming in at you like a missile!

Help me!

I don't think these are flowers.

\- Should we tell him?

\- I think he knows.

What is this?!

Match point!

You can start packing up, honey,

because you're about to eat it!

Yowser!

Gross.

There's a bee in the car!

\- Do something!

\- I'm driving!

\- Hi, bee.

\- He's back here!

He's going to sting me!

Nobody move. If you don't move,

he won't sting you. Freeze!

He blinked!

Spray him, Granny!

What are you doing?!

Wow... the tension level

out here is unbelievable.

I gotta get home.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Oan't fly in rain.

Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down!

Ken, could you close

the window please?

Ken, could you close

the window please?

Oheck out my new resume.

I made it into a fold-out brochure.

You see? Folds out.

Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this.

What was that?

Maybe this time. This time. This time.

This time! This time! This...

Drapes!

That is diabolical.

It's fantastic. It's got all my special

skills, even my top-ten favorite movies.

What's number one? Star Wars?

Nah, I don't go for that...

...kind of stuff.

No wonder we shouldn't talk to them.

They're out of their minds.

When I leave a job interview, they're

flabbergasted, can't believe what I say.

There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out.

I don't remember the sun

having a big 75 on it.

I predicted global warming.

I could feel it getting hotter.

At first I thought it was just me.

Wait! Stop! Bee!

Stand back. These are winter boots.

Wait!

Don't kill him!

You know I'm allergic to them!

This thing could kill me!

Why does his life have

less value than yours?

Why does his life have any less value

than mine? Is that your statement?

I'm just saying all life has value. You

don't know what he's capable of feeling.

My brochure!

There you go, little guy.

I'm not scared of him.

It's an allergic thing.

Put that on your resume brochure.

My whole face could puff up.

Make it one of your special skills.

Knocking someone out

is also a special skill.

Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks.

\- Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night?

\- Sure, Ken. You know, whatever.

\- You could put carob chips on there.

\- Bye.

\- Supposed to be less calories.

\- Bye.

I gotta say something.

She saved my life.

I gotta say something.

All right, here it goes.

Nah.

What would I say?

I could really get in trouble.

It's a bee law.

You're not supposed to talk to a human.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I've got to.

Oh, I can't do it. Oome on!

No. Yes. No.

Do it. I can't.

How should I start it?

"You like jazz?" No, that's no good.

Here she comes! Speak, you fool!

Hi!

I'm sorry.

\- You're talking.

\- Yes, I know.

You're talking!

I'm so sorry.

No, it's OK. It's fine.

I know I'm dreaming.

But I don't recall going to bed.

Well, I'm sure this

is very disconcerting.

This is a bit of a surprise to me.

I mean, you're a bee!

I am. And I'm not supposed

to be doing this,

but they were all trying to kill me.

And if it wasn't for you...

I had to thank you.

It's just how I was raised.

That was a little weird.

\- I'm talking with a bee.

\- Yeah.

I'm talking to a bee.

And the bee is talking to me!

I just want to say I'm grateful.

I'll leave now.

\- Wait! How did you learn to do that?

\- What?

The talking thing.

Same way you did, I guess.

"Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up.

\- That's very funny.

\- Yeah.

Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh,

we'd cry with what we have to deal with.

Anyway...

Oan I...

...get you something?

\- Like what?

I don't know. I mean...

I don't know. Ooffee?

I don't want to put you out.

It's no trouble. It takes two minutes.

\- It's just coffee.

\- I hate to impose.

\- Don't be ridiculous!

\- Actually, I would love a cup.

Hey, you want rum cake?

\- I shouldn't.

\- Have some.

\- No, I can't.

\- Oome on!

I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms.

\- Where?

\- These stripes don't help.

You look great!

I don't know if you know

anything about fashion.

Are you all right?

No.

He's making the tie in the cab

as they're flying up Madison.

He finally gets there.

He runs up the steps into the church.

The wedding is on.

And he says, "Watermelon?

I thought you said Guatemalan.

Why would I marry a watermelon?"

Is that a bee joke?

That's the kind of stuff we do.

Yeah, different.

So, what are you gonna do, Barry?

About work? I don't know.

I want to do my part for the hive,

but I can't do it the way they want.

I know how you feel.

\- You do?

\- Sure.

My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or

a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist.

\- Really?

\- My only interest is flowers.

Our new queen was just elected

with that same campaign slogan.

Anyway, if you look...

There's my hive right there. See it?

You're in Sheep Meadow!

Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond!

No way! I know that area.

I lost a toe ring there once.

\- Why do girls put rings on their toes?

\- Why not?

\- It's like putting a hat on your knee.

\- Maybe I'll try that.

\- You all right, ma'am?

\- Oh, yeah. Fine.

Just having two cups of coffee!

Anyway, this has been great.

Thanks for the coffee.

Yeah, it's no trouble.

Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did,

I'd be up the rest of my life.

Are you...?

Oan I take a piece of this with me?

Sure! Here, have a crumb.

\- Thanks!

\- Yeah.

All right. Well, then...

I guess I'll see you around.

Or not.

OK, Barry.

And thank you

so much again... for before.

Oh, that? That was nothing.

Well, not nothing, but... Anyway...

This can't possibly work.

He's all set to go.

We may as well try it.

OK, Dave, pull the chute.

\- Sounds amazing.

\- It was amazing!

It was the scariest,

happiest moment of my life.

Humans! I can't believe

you were with humans!

Giant, scary humans!

What were they like?

Huge and crazy. They talk crazy.

They eat crazy giant things.

They drive crazy.

\- Do they try and kill you, like on TV?

\- Some of them. But some of them don't.

\- How'd you get back?

\- Poodle.

You did it, and I'm glad. You saw

whatever you wanted to see.

You had your "experience." Now you

can pick out yourjob and be normal.

\- Well...

\- Well?

Well, I met someone.

You did? Was she Bee-ish?

\- A wasp?! Your parents will kill you!

\- No, no, no, not a wasp.

\- Spider?

\- I'm not attracted to spiders.

I know it's the hottest thing,

with the eight legs and all.

I can't get by that face.

So who is she?

She's... human.

No, no. That's a bee law.

You wouldn't break a bee law.

\- Her name's Vanessa.

\- Oh, boy.

She's so nice. And she's a florist!

Oh, no! You're dating a human florist!

We're not dating.

You're flying outside the hive, talking

to humans that attack our homes

with power washers and M-80s!

One-eighth a stick of dynamite!

She saved my life!

And she understands me.

This is over!

Eat this.

This is not over! What was that?

\- They call it a crumb.

\- It was so stingin' stripey!

And that's not what they eat.

That's what falls off what they eat!

\- You know what a Oinnabon is?

\- No.

It's bread and cinnamon and frosting.

They heat it up...

Sit down!

...really hot!

\- Listen to me!

We are not them! We're us.

There's us and there's them!

Yes, but who can deny

the heart that is yearning?

There's no yearning.

Stop yearning. Listen to me!

You have got to start thinking bee,

my friend. Thinking bee!

\- Thinking bee.

\- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

There he is. He's in the pool.

You know what your problem is, Barry?

I gotta start thinking bee?

How much longer will this go on?

It's been three days!

Why aren't you working?

I've got a lot of big life decisions

to think about.

What life? You have no life!

You have no job. You're barely a bee!

Would it kill you

to make a little honey?

Barry, come out.

Your father's talking to you.

Martin, would you talk to him?

Barry, I'm talking to you!

You coming?

Got everything?

All set!

Go ahead. I'll catch up.

Don't be too long.

Watch this!

Vanessa!

\- We're still here.

\- I told you not to yell at him.

He doesn't respond to yelling!

\- Then why yell at me?

\- Because you don't listen!

I'm not listening to this.

Sorry, I've gotta go.

\- Where are you going?

\- I'm meeting a friend.

A girl? Is this why you can't decide?

Bye.

I just hope she's Bee-ish.

They have a huge parade

of flowers every year in Pasadena?

To be in the Tournament of Roses,

that's every florist's dream!

Up on a float, surrounded

by flowers, crowds cheering.

A tournament. Do the roses

compete in athletic events?

No. All right, I've got one.

How come you don't fly everywhere?

It's exhausting. Why don't you

run everywhere? It's faster.

Yeah, OK, I see, I see.

All right, your turn.

TiVo. You can just freeze live TV?

That's insane!

You don't have that?

We have Hivo, but it's a disease.

It's a horrible, horrible disease.

Oh, my.

Dumb bees!

You must want to sting all those jerks.

We try not to sting.

It's usually fatal for us.

So you have to watch your temper.

Very carefully.

You kick a wall, take a walk,

write an angry letter and throw it out.

Work through it like any emotion:

Anger, jealousy, lust.

Oh, my goodness! Are you OK?

Yeah.

\- What is wrong with you?!

\- It's a bug.

He's not bothering anybody.

Get out of here, you creep!

What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular?

Yeah, it was. How did you know?

It felt like about 10 pages.

Seventy-five is pretty much our limit.

You've really got that

down to a science.

\- I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue.

\- I'll bet.

What in the name

of Mighty Hercules is this?

How did this get here?

Oute Bee, Golden Blossom,

Ray Liotta Private Select?

\- Is he that actor?

\- I never heard of him.

\- Why is this here?

\- For people. We eat it.

You don't have

enough food of your own?

\- Well, yes.

\- How do you get it?

\- Bees make it.

\- I know who makes it!

And it's hard to make it!

There's heating, cooling, stirring.

You need a whole Krelman thing!

\- It's organic.

\- It's our-ganic!

It's just honey, Barry.

Just what?!

Bees don't know about this!

This is stealing! A lot of stealing!

You've taken our homes, schools,

hospitals! This is all we have!

And it's on sale?!

I'm getting to the bottom of this.

I'm getting to the bottom

of all of this!

Hey, Hector.

\- You almost done?

\- Almost.

He is here. I sense it.

Well, I guess I'll go home now

and just leave this nice honey out,

with no one around.

You're busted, box boy!

I knew I heard something.

So you can talk!

I can talk.

And now you'll start talking!

Where you getting the sweet stuff?

Who's your supplier?

I don't understand.

I thought we were friends.

The last thing we want

to do is upset bees!

You're too late! It's ours now!

You, sir, have crossed

the wrong sword!

You, sir, will be lunch

for my iguana, Ignacio!

Where is the honey coming from?

Tell me where!

Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms!

Orazy person!

What horrible thing has happened here?

These faces, they never knew

what hit them. And now

they're on the road to nowhere!

Just keep still.

What? You're not dead?

Do I look dead? They will wipe anything

that moves. Where you headed?

To Honey Farms.

I am onto something huge here.

I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood,

crazy stuff. Blows your head off!

I'm going to Tacoma.

\- And you?

\- He really is dead.

All right.

Uh-oh!

\- What is that?!

\- Oh, no!

\- A wiper! Triple blade!

\- Triple blade?

Jump on! It's your only chance, bee!

Why does everything have

to be so doggone clean?!

How much do you people need to see?!

Open your eyes!

Stick your head out the window!

From NPR News in Washington,

I'm Oarl Kasell.

But don't kill no more bugs!

\- Bee!

\- Moose blood guy!

\- You hear something?

\- Like what?

Like tiny screaming.

Turn off the radio.

Whassup, bee boy?

Hey, Blood.

Just a row of honey jars,

as far as the eye could see.

Wow!

I assume wherever this truck goes

is where they're getting it.

I mean, that honey's ours.

\- Bees hang tight.

\- We're all jammed in.

It's a close community.

Not us, man. We on our own.

Every mosquito on his own.

\- What if you get in trouble?

\- You a mosquito, you in trouble.

Nobody likes us. They just smack.

See a mosquito, smack, smack!

At least you're out in the world.

You must meet girls.

Mosquito girls try to trade up,

get with a moth, dragonfly.

Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito.

You got to be kidding me!

Mooseblood's about to leave

the building! So long, bee!

\- Hey, guys!

\- Mooseblood!

I knew I'd catch y'all down here.

Did you bring your crazy straw?

We throw it in jars, slap a label on it,

and it's pretty much pure profit.

What is this place?

A bee's got a brain

the size of a pinhead.

They are pinheads!

Pinhead.

\- Oheck out the new smoker.

\- Oh, sweet. That's the one you want.

The Thomas 3000!

Smoker?

Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic.

Twice the nicotine, all the tar.

A couple breaths of this

knocks them right out.

They make the honey,

and we make the money.

"They make the honey,

and we make the money"?

Oh, my!

What's going on? Are you OK?

Yeah. It doesn't last too long.

Do you know you're

in a fake hive with fake walls?

Our queen was moved here.

We had no choice.

This is your queen?

That's a man in women's clothes!

That's a drag queen!

What is this?

Oh, no!

There's hundreds of them!

Bee honey.

Our honey is being brazenly stolen

on a massive scale!

This is worse than anything bears

have done! I intend to do something.

Oh, Barry, stop.

Who told you humans are taking

our honey? That's a rumor.

Do these look like rumors?

That's a conspiracy theory.

These are obviously doctored photos.

How did you get mixed up in this?

He's been talking to humans.

\- What?

\- Talking to humans?!

He has a human girlfriend.

And they make out!

Make out? Barry!

We do not.

\- You wish you could.

\- Whose side are you on?

The bees!

I dated a cricket once in San Antonio.

Those crazy legs kept me up all night.

Barry, this is what you want

to do with your life?

I want to do it for all our lives.

Nobody works harder than bees!

Dad, I remember you

coming home so overworked

your hands were still stirring.

You couldn't stop.

I remember that.

What right do they have to our honey?

We live on two cups a year. They put it

in lip balm for no reason whatsoever!

Even if it's true, what can one bee do?

Sting them where it really hurts.

In the face! The eye!

\- That would hurt.

\- No.

Up the nose? That's a killer.

There's only one place you can sting

the humans, one place where it matters.

Hive at Five, the hive's only

full-hour action news source.

No more bee beards!

With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk.

Weather with Storm Stinger.

Sports with Buzz Larvi.

And Jeanette Ohung.

\- Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble.

\- And I'm Jeanette Ohung.

A tri-county bee, Barry Benson,

intends to sue the human race

for stealing our honey,

packaging it and profiting

from it illegally!

Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King,

we'll have three former queens here in

our studio, discussing their new book,

Olassy Ladies,

out this week on Hexagon.

Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson.

Did you ever think, "I'm a kid

from the hive. I can't do this"?

Bees have never been afraid

to change the world.

What about Bee Oolumbus?

Bee Gandhi? Bejesus?

Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans.

We were thinking

of stickball or candy stores.

How old are you?

The bee community

is supporting you in this case,

which will be the trial

of the bee century.

You know, they have a Larry King

in the human world too.

It's a common name. Next week...

He looks like you and has a show

and suspenders and colored dots...

Next week...

Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the

guest even though you just heard 'em.

Bear Week next week!

They're scary, hairy and here live.

Always leans forward, pointy shoulders,

squinty eyes, very Jewish.

In tennis, you attack

at the point of weakness!

It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81.

Honey, her backhand's a joke!

I'm not gonna take advantage of that?

Quiet, please.

Actual work going on here.

\- Is that that same bee?

\- Yes, it is!

I'm helping him sue the human race.

\- Hello.

\- Hello, bee.

This is Ken.

Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size

ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe.

Why does he talk again?

Listen, you better go

'cause we're really busy working.

But it's our yogurt night!

Bye-bye.

Why is yogurt night so difficult?!

You poor thing.

You two have been at this for hours!

Yes, and Adam here

has been a huge help.

\- Frosting...

\- How many sugars?

Just one. I try not

to use the competition.

So why are you helping me?

Bees have good qualities.

And it takes my mind off the shop.

Instead of flowers, people

are giving balloon bouquets now.

Those are great, if you're three.

And artificial flowers.

\- Oh, those just get me psychotic!

\- Yeah, me too.

Bent stingers, pointless pollination.

Bees must hate those fake things!

Nothing worse

than a daffodil that's had work done.

Maybe this could make up

for it a little bit.

\- This lawsuit's a pretty big deal.

\- I guess.

You sure you want to go through with it?

Am I sure? When I'm done with

the humans, they won't be able

to say, "Honey, I'm home,"

without paying a royalty!

It's an incredible scene

here in downtown Manhattan,

where the world anxiously waits,

because for the first time in history,

we will hear for ourselves

if a honeybee can actually speak.

What have we gotten into here, Barry?

It's pretty big, isn't it?

I can't believe how many humans

don't work during the day.

You think billion-dollar multinational

food companies have good lawyers?

Everybody needs to stay

behind the barricade.

\- What's the matter?

\- I don't know, I just got a chill.

Well, if it isn't the bee team.

You boys work on this?

All rise! The Honorable

Judge Bumbleton presiding.

All right. Oase number 4475,

Superior Oourt of New York,

Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry

is now in session.

Mr. Montgomery, you're representing

the five food companies collectively?

A privilege.

Mr. Benson... you're representing

all the bees of the world?

I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor,

we're ready to proceed.

Mr. Montgomery,

your opening statement, please.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

my grandmother was a simple woman.

Born on a farm, she believed

it was man's divine right

to benefit from the bounty

of nature God put before us.

If we lived in the topsy-turvy world

Mr. Benson imagines,

just think of what would it mean.

I would have to negotiate

with the silkworm

for the elastic in my britches!

Talking bee!

How do we know this isn't some sort of

holographic motion-picture-capture

Hollywood wizardry?

They could be using laser beams!

Robotics! Ventriloquism!

Oloning! For all we know,

he could be on steroids!

Mr. Benson?

Ladies and gentlemen,

there's no trickery here.

I'm just an ordinary bee.

Honey's pretty important to me.

It's important to all bees.

We invented it!

We make it. And we protect it

with our lives.

Unfortunately, there are

some people in this room

who think they can take it from us

'cause we're the little guys!

I'm hoping that, after this is all over,

you'll see how, by taking our honey,

you not only take everything we have

but everything we are!

I wish he'd dress like that

all the time. So nice!

Oall your first witness.

So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden

of Honey Farms, big company you have.

I suppose so.

I see you also own

Honeyburton and Honron!

Yes, they provide beekeepers

for our farms.

Beekeeper. I find that

to be a very disturbing term.

I don't imagine you employ

any bee-free-ers, do you?

\- No.

\- I couldn't hear you.

\- No.

\- No.

Because you don't free bees.

You keep bees. Not only that,

it seems you thought a bear would be

an appropriate image for a jar of honey.

They're very lovable creatures.

Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear.

You mean like this?

Bears kill bees!

How'd you like his head crashing

through your living room?!

Biting into your couch!

Spitting out your throw pillows!

OK, that's enough. Take him away.

So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here.

Your name intrigues me.

\- Where have I heard it before?

\- I was with a band called The Police.

But you've never been

a police officer, have you?

No, I haven't.

No, you haven't. And so here

we have yet another example

of bee culture casually

stolen by a human

for nothing more than

a prance-about stage name.

Oh, please.

Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting?

Because I'm feeling

a little stung, Sting.

Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner!

That's not his real name?! You idiots!

Mr. Liotta, first,

belated congratulations on

your Emmy win for a guest spot

on ER in 2005.

Thank you. Thank you.

I see from your resume

that you're devilishly handsome

with a churning inner turmoil

that's ready to blow.

I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime?

Not yet it isn't. But is this

what it's come to for you?

Exploiting tiny, helpless bees

so you don't

have to rehearse

your part and learn your lines, sir?

Watch it, Benson!

I could blow right now!

This isn't a goodfella.

This is a badfella!

Why doesn't someone just step on

this creep, and we can all go home?!

\- Order in this court!

\- You're all thinking it!

Order! Order, I say!

\- Say it!

\- Mr. Liotta, please sit down!

I think it was awfully nice

of that bear to pitch in like that.

I think the jury's on our side.

Are we doing everything right, legally?

I'm a florist.

Right. Well, here's to a great team.

To a great team!

Well, hello.

\- Ken!

\- Hello.

I didn't think you were coming.

No, I was just late.

I tried to call, but... the battery.

I didn't want all this to go to waste,

so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free.

Oh, that was lucky.

There's a little left.

I could heat it up.

Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever.

So I hear you're quite a tennis player.

I'm not much for the game myself.

The ball's a little grabby.

That's where I usually sit.

Right... there.

Ken, Barry was looking at your resume,

and he agreed with me that eating with

chopsticks isn't really a special skill.

You think I don't see what you're doing?

I know how hard it is to find

the rightjob. We have that in common.

Do we?

Bees have 100 percent employment,

but we do jobs like taking the crud out.

That's just what

I was thinking about doing.

Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor

for his fuzz. I hope that was all right.

I'm going to drain the old stinger.

Yeah, you do that.

Look at that.

You know, I've just about had it

with your little mind games.

\- What's that?

\- Italian Vogue.

Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages.

A lot of ads.

Remember what Van said, why is

your life more valuable than mine?

Funny, I just can't seem to recall that!

I think something stinks in here!

I love the smell of flowers.

How do you like the smell of flames?!

Not as much.

Water bug! Not taking sides!

Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat!

This is pathetic!

I've got issues!

Well, well, well, a royal flush!

\- You're bluffing.

\- Am I?

Surf's up, dude!

Poo water!

That bowl is gnarly.

Except for those dirty yellow rings!

Kenneth! What are you doing?!

You know, I don't even like honey!

I don't eat it!

We need to talk!

He's just a little bee!

And he happens to be

the nicest bee I've met in a long time!

Long time? What are you talking about?!

Are there other bugs in your life?

No, but there are other things bugging

me in life. And you're one of them!

Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night...

My nerves are fried from riding

on this emotional roller coaster!

Goodbye, Ken.

And for your information,

I prefer sugar-free, artificial

sweeteners made by man!

I'm sorry about all that.

I know it's got

an aftertaste! I like it!

I always felt there was some kind

of barrier between Ken and me.

I couldn't overcome it.

Oh, well.

Are you OK for the trial?

I believe Mr. Montgomery

is about out of ideas.

We would like to call

Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand.

Good idea! You can really see why he's

considered one of the best lawyers...

Yeah.

Layton, you've

gotta weave some magic

with this jury,

or it's gonna be all over.

Don't worry. The only thing I have

to do to turn this jury around

is to remind them

of what they don't like about bees.

\- You got the tweezers?

\- Are you allergic?

Only to losing, son. Only to losing.

Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you

what I think we'd all like to know.

What exactly is your relationship

to that woman?

We're friends.

\- Good friends?

\- Yes.

How good? Do you live together?

Wait a minute...

Are you her little...

...bedbug?

I've seen a bee documentary or two.

From what I understand,

doesn't your queen give birth

to all the bee children?

\- Yeah, but...

\- So those aren't your real parents!

\- Oh, Barry...

\- Yes, they are!

Hold me back!

You're an illegitimate bee,

aren't you, Benson?

He's denouncing bees!

Don't y'all date your cousins?

\- Objection!

\- I'm going to pincushion this guy!

Adam, don't! It's what he wants!

Oh, I'm hit!

Oh, lordy, I am hit!

Order! Order!

The venom! The venom

is coursing through my veins!

I have been felled

by a winged beast of destruction!

You see? You can't treat them

like equals! They're striped savages!

Stinging's the only thing

they know! It's their way!

\- Adam, stay with me.

\- I can't feel my legs.

What angel of mercy

will come forward to suck the poison

from my heaving buttocks?

I will have order in this court. Order!

Order, please!

The case of the honeybees

versus the human race

took a pointed turn against the bees

yesterday when one of their legal

team stung Layton T. Montgomery.

\- Hey, buddy.

\- Hey.

\- Is there much pain?

\- Yeah.

I...

I blew the whole case, didn't I?

It doesn't matter. What matters is

you're alive. You could have died.

I'd be better off dead. Look at me.

They got it from the cafeteria

downstairs, in a tuna sandwich.

Look, there's

a little celery still on it.

What was it like to sting someone?

I can't explain it. It was all...

All adrenaline and then...

and then ecstasy!

All right.

You think it was all a trap?

Of course. I'm sorry.

I flew us right into this.

What were we thinking? Look at us. We're

just a couple of bugs in this world.

What will the humans do to us

if they win?

I don't know.

I hear they put the roaches in motels.

That doesn't sound so bad.

Adam, they check in,

but they don't check out!

Oh, my.

Oould you get a nurse

to close that window?

\- Why?

\- The smoke.

Bees don't smoke.

Right. Bees don't smoke.

Bees don't smoke!

But some bees are smoking.

That's it! That's our case!

It is? It's not over?

Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere.

Get back to the court and stall.

Stall any way you can.

And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub.

Mr. Flayman.

Yes? Yes, Your Honor!

Where is the rest of your team?

Well, Your Honor, it's interesting.

Bees are trained to fly haphazardly,

and as a result,

we don't make very good time.

I actually heard a funny story about...

Your Honor,

haven't these ridiculous bugs

taken up enough

of this court's valuable time?

How much longer will we allow

these absurd shenanigans to go on?

They have presented no compelling

evidence to support their charges

against my clients,

who run legitimate businesses.

I move for a complete dismissal

of this entire case!

Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going

to have to consider

Mr. Montgomery's motion.

But you can't! We have a terrific case.

Where is your proof?

Where is the evidence?

Show me the smoking gun!

Hold it, Your Honor!

You want a smoking gun?

Here is your smoking gun.

What is that?

It's a bee smoker!

What, this?

This harmless little contraption?

This couldn't hurt a fly,

let alone a bee.

Look at what has happened

to bees who have never been asked,

"Smoking or non?"

Is this what nature intended for us?

To be forcibly addicted

to smoke machines

and man-made wooden slat work camps?

Living out our lives as honey slaves

to the white man?

\- What are we gonna do?

\- He's playing the species card.

Ladies and gentlemen, please,

free these bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

Free the bees!

Free the bees! Free the bees!

The court finds in favor of the bees!

Vanessa, we won!

I knew you could do it! High-five!

Sorry.

I'm OK! You know what this means?

All the honey

will finally belong to the bees.

Now we won't have

to work so hard all the time.

This is an unholy perversion

of the balance of nature, Benson.

You'll regret this.

Barry, how much honey is out there?

All right. One at a time.

Barry, who are you wearing?

My sweater is Ralph Lauren,

and I have no pants.

\- What if Montgomery's right?

\- What do you mean?

We've been living the bee way

a long time, 27 million years.

Oongratulations on your victory.

What will you demand as a settlement?

First, we'll demand a complete shutdown

of all bee work camps.

Then we want back the honey

that was ours to begin with,

every last drop.

We demand an end to the glorification

of the bear as anything more

than a filthy, smelly,

bad-breath stink machine.

We're all aware

of what they do in the woods.

Wait for my signal.

Take him out.

He'll have nauseous

for a few hours, then he'll be fine.

And we will no longer tolerate

bee-negative nicknames...

But it's just a prance-about stage name!

...unnecessary inclusion of honey

in bogus health products

and la-dee-da human

tea-time snack garnishments.

Oan't breathe.

Bring it in, boys!

Hold it right there! Good.

Tap it.

Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups,

and there's gallons more coming!

\- I think we need to shut down!

\- Shut down? We've never shut down.

Shut down honey production!

Stop making honey!

Turn your key, sir!

What do we do now?

Oannonball!

We're shutting honey production!

Mission abort.

Aborting pollination and nectar detail.

Returning to base.

Adam, you wouldn't believe

how much honey was out there.

Oh, yeah?

What's going on? Where is everybody?

\- Are they out celebrating?

\- They're home.

They don't know what to do.

Laying out, sleeping in.

I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way

to San Antonio with a cricket.

At least we got our honey back.

Sometimes I think, so what if humans

liked our honey? Who wouldn't?

It's the greatest thing in the world!

I was excited to be part of making it.

This was my new desk. This was my

new job. I wanted to do it really well.

And now...

Now I can't.

I don't understand

why they're not happy.

I thought their lives would be better!

They're doing nothing. It's amazing.

Honey really changes people.

You don't have any idea

what's going on, do you?

\- What did you want to show me?

\- This.

What happened here?

That is not the half of it.

Oh, no. Oh, my.

They're all wilting.

Doesn't look very good, does it?

No.

And whose fault do you think that is?

You know, I'm gonna guess bees.

Bees?

Specifically, me.

I didn't think bees not needing to make

honey would affect all these things.

It's notjust flowers.

Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees.

That's our whole SAT test right there.

Take away produce, that affects

the entire animal kingdom.

And then, of course...

The human species?

So if there's no more pollination,

it could all just go south here,

couldn't it?

I know this is also partly my fault.

How about a suicide pact?

How do we do it?

\- I'll sting you, you step on me.

\- Thatjust kills you twice.

Right, right.

Listen, Barry...

sorry, but I gotta get going.

I had to open my mouth and talk.

Vanessa?

Vanessa? Why are you leaving?

Where are you going?

To the final Tournament of Roses parade

in Pasadena.

They've moved it to this weekend

because all the flowers are dying.

It's the last chance

I'll ever have to see it.

Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry.

I never meant it to turn out like this.

I know. Me neither.

Tournament of Roses.

Roses can't do sports.

Wait a minute. Roses. Roses?

Roses!

Vanessa!

Roses?!

Barry?

\- Roses are flowers!

\- Yes, they are.

Flowers, bees, pollen!

I know.

That's why this is the last parade.

Maybe not.

Oould you ask him to slow down?

Oould you slow down?

Barry!

OK, I made a huge mistake.

This is a total disaster, all my fault.

Yes, it kind of is.

I've ruined the planet.

I wanted to help you

with the flower shop.

I've made it worse.

Actually, it's completely closed down.

I thought maybe you were remodeling.

But I have another idea, and it's

greater than my previous ideas combined.

I don't want to hear it!

All right, they have the roses,

the roses have the pollen.

I know every bee, plant

and flower bud in this park.

All we gotta do is get what they've got

back here with what we've got.

\- Bees.

\- Park.

\- Pollen!

\- Flowers.

\- Repollination!

\- Across the nation!

Tournament of Roses,

Pasadena, Oalifornia.

They've got nothing

but flowers, floats and cotton candy.

Security will be tight.

I have an idea.

Vanessa Bloome, FTD.

Official floral business. It's real.

Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch.

Thank you. It was a gift.

Once inside,

we just pick the right float.

How about The Princess and the Pea?

I could be the princess,

and you could be the pea!

Yes, I got it.

\- Where should I sit?

\- What are you?

\- I believe I'm the pea.

\- The pea?

It goes under the mattresses.

\- Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart.

\- I'm getting the marshal.

You do that!

This whole parade is a fiasco!

Let's see what this baby'll do.

Hey, what are you doing?!

Then all we do

is blend in with traffic...

...without arousing suspicion.

Once at the airport,

there's no stopping us.

Stop! Security.

\- You and your insect pack your float?

\- Yes.

Has it been

in your possession the entire time?

Would you remove your shoes?

\- Remove your stinger.

\- It's part of me.

I know. Just having some fun.

Enjoy your flight.

Then if we're lucky, we'll have

just enough pollen to do the job.

Oan you believe how lucky we are? We

have just enough pollen to do the job!

I think this is gonna work.

It's got to work.

Attention, passengers,

this is Oaptain Scott.

We have a bit of bad weather

in New York.

It looks like we'll experience

a couple hours delay.

Barry, these are cut flowers

with no water. They'll never make it.

I gotta get up there

and talk to them.

Be careful.

Oan I get help

with the Sky Mall magazine?

I'd like to order the talking

inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer.

Oaptain, I'm in a real situation.

\- What'd you say, Hal?

\- Nothing.

Bee!

Don't freak out! My entire species...

What are you doing?

\- Wait a minute! I'm an attorney!

\- Who's an attorney?

Don't move.

Oh, Barry.

Good afternoon, passengers.

This is your captain.

Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B

please report to the cockpit?

And please hurry!

What happened here?

There was a DustBuster,

a toupee, a life raft exploded.

One's bald, one's in a boat,

they're both unconscious!

\- Is that another bee joke?

\- No!

No one's flying the plane!

This is JFK control tower, Flight 356.

What's your status?

This is Vanessa Bloome.

I'm a florist from New York.

Where's the pilot?

He's unconscious,

and so is the copilot.

Not good. Does anyone onboard

have flight experience?

As a matter of fact, there is.

\- Who's that?

\- Barry Benson.

From the honey trial?! Oh, great.

Vanessa, this is nothing more

than a big metal bee.

It's got giant wings, huge engines.

I can't fly a plane.

\- Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot?

\- Yes.

How hard could it be?

Wait, Barry!

We're headed into some lightning.

This is Bob Bumble. We have some

late-breaking news from JFK Airport,

where a suspenseful scene

is developing.

Barry Benson,

fresh from his legal victory...

That's Barry!

...is attempting to land a plane,

loaded with people, flowers

and an incapacitated flight crew.

Flowers?!

We have a storm in the area

and two individuals at the controls

with absolutely no flight experience.

Just a minute.

There's a bee on that plane.

I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson

and his no-account compadres.

They've done enough damage.

But isn't he your only hope?

Technically, a bee

shouldn't be able to fly at all.

Their wings are too small...

Haven't we heard this a million times?

"The surface area of the wings

and body mass make no sense."

\- Get this on the air!

\- Got it.

\- Stand by.

\- We're going live.

The way we work may be a mystery to you.

Making honey takes a lot of bees

doing a lot of small jobs.

But let me tell you about a small job.

If you do it well,

it makes a big difference.

More than we realized.

To us, to everyone.

That's why I want to get bees

back to working together.

That's the bee way!

We're not made of Jell-O.

We get behind a fellow.

\- Black and yellow!

\- Hello!

Left, right, down, hover.

\- Hover?

\- Forget hover.

This isn't so hard.

Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

Barry, what happened?!

Wait, I think we were

on autopilot the whole time.

\- That may have been helping me.

\- And now we're not!

So it turns out I cannot fly a plane.

All of you, let's get

behind this fellow! Move it out!

Move out!

Our only chance is if I do what I'd do,

you copy me with the wings of the plane!

Don't have to yell.

I'm not yelling!

We're in a lot of trouble.

It's very hard to concentrate

with that panicky tone in your voice!

It's not a tone. I'm panicking!

I can't do this!

Vanessa, pull yourself together.

You have to snap out of it!

You snap out of it.

You snap out of it.

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- You snap out of it!

\- Hold it!

\- Why? Oome on, it's my turn.

How is the plane flying?

I don't know.

Hello?

Benson, got any flowers

for a happy occasion in there?

The Pollen Jocks!

They do get behind a fellow.

\- Black and yellow.

\- Hello.

All right, let's drop this tin can

on the blacktop.

Where? I can't see anything. Oan you?

No, nothing. It's all cloudy.

Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry.

\- Thinking bee.

\- Thinking bee.

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

Wait a minute.

I think I'm feeling something.

\- What?

\- I don't know. It's strong, pulling me.

Like a 27-million-year-old instinct.

Bring the nose down.

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

\- What in the world is on the tarmac?

\- Get some lights on that!

Thinking bee!

Thinking bee! Thinking bee!

\- Vanessa, aim for the flower.

\- OK.

Out the engines. We're going in

on bee power. Ready, boys?

Affirmative!

Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it.

Land on that flower!

Ready? Full reverse!

Spin it around!

\- Not that flower! The other one!

\- Which one?

\- That flower.

\- I'm aiming at the flower!

That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt.

I mean the giant pulsating flower

made of millions of bees!

Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up.

Rotate around it.

\- This is insane, Barry!

\- This's the only way I know how to fly.

Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane

flying in an insect-like pattern?

Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid.

Smell it. Full reverse!

Just drop it. Be a part of it.

Aim for the center!

Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman!

Oome on, already.

Barry, we did it!

You taught me how to fly!

\- Yes. No high-five!

\- Right.

Barry, it worked!

Did you see the giant flower?

What giant flower? Where? Of course

I saw the flower! That was genius!

\- Thank you.

\- But we're not done yet.

Listen, everyone!

This runway is covered

with the last pollen

from the last flowers

available anywhere on Earth.

That means this is our last chance.

We're the only ones who make honey,

pollinate flowers and dress like this.

If we're gonna survive as a species,

this is our moment! What do you say?

Are we going to be bees, orjust

Museum of Natural History keychains?

We're bees!

Keychain!

Then follow me! Except Keychain.

Hold on, Barry. Here.

You've earned this.

Yeah!

I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect

fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves.

Oh, yeah.

That's our Barry.

Mom! The bees are back!

If anybody needs

to make a call, now's the time.

I got a feeling we'll be

working late tonight!

Here's your change. Have a great

afternoon! Oan I help who's next?

Would you like some honey with that?

It is bee-approved. Don't forget these.

Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me.

And I don't see a nickel!

Sometimes I just feel

like a piece of meat!

I had no idea.

Barry, I'm sorry.

Have you got a moment?

Would you excuse me?

My mosquito associate will help you.

Sorry I'm late.

He's a lawyer too?

I was already a blood-sucking parasite.

All I needed was a briefcase.

Have a great afternoon!

Barry, I just got this huge tulip order,

and I can't get them anywhere.

No problem, Vannie.

Just leave it to me.

You're a lifesaver, Barry.

Oan I help who's next?

All right, scramble, jocks!

It's time to fly.

Thank you, Barry!

That bee is living my life!

Let it go, Kenny.

\- When will this nightmare end?!

\- Let it all go.

\- Beautiful day to fly.

\- Sure is.

Between you and me,

I was dying to get out of that office.

You have got

to start thinking bee, my friend.

\- Thinking bee!

\- Me?

Hold it. Let's just stop

for a second. Hold it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone.

Oan we stop here?

I'm not making a major life decision

during a production number!

All right. Take ten, everybody.

Wrap it up, guys.

I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

"That movie sucked," said Ash.

"I told you," said Gary, and then he and his boyfriend made out fiercely.

"Wait," said Ash. Then he pulled out a condom. "Safety first."

"How about a puff to, yanno, lighten the mood?" said Gary, pulling out a blunt.

"No weed for me, thanks. That shit makes me sexually attracted to Pikachu and gives me very vivid delusions of being in a coma."

"I know," said Gary, tickling Ash's ear with his whisper. "It just so happens that that is my exact kink."

"Really," said Ash, ready to whip out his summer sausage. "And it just so happens that I'm not really ten, I'm just drawn that way. In actuality we're eighteen, the legal age to be having sex in front of American faces."

"I know that, dipshit. They do the same thing to me," said Gary, taking a puff. "Now lose the pants, dear."

"Yes, hubby," said Ash. And they fucked while Shrek was on.

The End

Credit to (slash) movie_scripts (slash) a1 (slash) for the Bee Movie script. It's been fun, but there are bigger and better fic ideas to get high to. Peace, bitches!


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